Our attachment systems are biological responses that are formed long before we can choose with whom we will enter a relationship. Although our caregivers greatly affect the sort of attachment style we create, even our adult relationships can have a tremendous effect on and even completely change our attachment style.
I've always noticed that I feel a bit suffocated when I start a new relationship and associate relationships with losing my freedom. I wanted to read Attached. because I thought its contents would be able to help me create a more reasonable perspective on new relationships and I was right, this book helped me with this and so much more!
In this article, I review Attached. by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A., Tap play to see my entertaining Book Review. Be sure to also subscribe to be automatically entered to win FREE tea/books/stuff during Tea End Blog Give-Aways. Already subscribed? Tell a friend!
Page Count: 278
Author: Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A
Published Date: 2010
Publishing Company: Penguin Group
BOOK SUGGESTONS: BECOMING MORE SECURE
You know I love a book that has book suggestions! On page 189 of Attached., there are 3 books mentioned that could help an anxious or avoidant attached person become more secure. I'm definitely going to add these to my TBR list so here they are just in case you're also interested:
1. The Developing Mind This highly influential work--now in a revised and expanded third edition incorporating major advances in the field--gives clinicians, educators, and students a new understanding of what the mind is, how it grows, and how to promote healthy development and resilience. Daniel J. Siegel synthesizes cutting-edge research from multiple disciplines, revealing the ways in which neural processes are fundamentally shaped by interpersonal relationships throughout life. And even when early experiences are not optimal, building deeper connections to other people and to one's own internal experience remains a powerful resource for growth. Professors praise the book’s utility in courses from developmental psychology and child development to neuroscience and counseling.
2. Parenting from the Inside Out: In Parenting from the Inside Out, child psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent. Drawing on stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.
Born out of a series of parents' workshops that combined Siegel's cutting-edge research on how communication impacts brain development with Hartzell's decades of experience as a child-development specialist and parent educator, this book guides parents through creating the necessary foundations for loving and secure relationships with their children.
4. Mindsight What if you could escape traps like these and live a fuller, richer, happier life? This isn't mere speculation but the result of twenty-five years of careful hands-on clinical work by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. A Harvard-trained physician, Dr. Siegel is one of the revolutionary global innovators in the integration of brain science into the practice of psychotherapy. Using case histories from his practice, he shows how, by following the proper steps, nearly everyone can learn how to focus their attention on the internal world of the mind in a way that will literally change the wiring and architecture of their brain.
Through his synthesis of a broad range of scientific research with applications to everyday life, Dr. Siegel has developed novel approaches that have helped hundreds of patients. And now he has written the first book that will help all of us understand the potential we have to create our own lives. Showing us mindsight in action, Dr. Siegel describes
• a sixteen-year-old boy with bipolar disorder who uses meditation and other techniques instead of drugs to calm the emotional storms that made him suicidal
• a woman paralyzed by anxiety, who uses mindsight to discover, in an unconscious memory of a childhood accident, the source of her dread
• a physician–the author himself–who pays attention to his intuition, which he experiences as a "vague, uneasy feeling in my belly, a gnawing restlessness in my heart and my gut," and tracks down a patient who could have gone deaf because of an inaccurately written prescription for an ear infection
• a twelve-year-old girl with OCD who learns a meditation that is "like watching myself from outside myself" and, using a form of internal dialogue, is able to stop the compulsive behaviors that have been tormenting her
These and many other extraordinary stories illustrate how mindsight can help us master our emotions, heal our relationships, and reach our fullest potential.
ANXIOUS, AVOIDANT, OR SECURE? TEST YOURSELF!
I took the attachment test in Attached. and it revealed that I was split down the middle: 50% avoidant and 50% secure. I always knew that I had avoidant tendencies in relationships, but I didn't know that I also could possibly be more of a secure attachment than I thought. But, of course, I doubted myself, so I took an online attachment test, and the results were the same! The online attachment test measured the type of avoidant someone could be, and I was split down the middle with this measurement also! See my test results here:
It's sort of insane that I measured equally in avoidant and secure, but I know I have a lot of work to do to become less avoidant in my relationships and more securely attached to my family and friends. These test results gave me the confidence to know that I can lean towards what it is that I want instead of leaving it up to chance.
I purchased this book to become more literate in attachment theory and to obtain more knowledge on how to heal my own attachment dysfunctions. Not only did Attached. tea me the concept of attachment theory, but it also helped me to see my attachment system as a natural biological response to relationships. I have a greater appreciation for my attachment system and now I feel equipped to have better relationships and even better break-ups, if need-be. If you end up reading Attached. or you have already read it, please let me know what you thought of it in the comments below!
What is our attachment style and how does it show up in your relationships?