I know you've heard of writer's block, but have you heard of writer's fear? Neither have I. I made it up after I realized that it is indeed fear that has been holding me back from writing this entire time. I am fearful even as I am writing this paragraph.
It's been weeks if not months (I lost track of time) since I posted directly on my tea and book blog. I have no excuse besides feeling stagnant and wanting to write from a more authentic and vulnerable space but not feeling that I had truly created this space on my blog. I don't just want to write about tea and books anymore, but this is precisely what scares me.
I keep my soul in my writings. In my diction, my stories, and my writing style you will find my essence. I keep this precious soul safe by sharing only parts of her, the parts that are so deeply wounded that they are numb to any sort of criticism or hatred. The parts that are so superficial that rejection is meaningless. I love tea and books but they are only parts of me. Parts which create a comfortable and acceptable barrier for me to hide behind. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to keep writing about the teas and books that I love, but now, I want to overcome my fears and write. I want to be an author. I am an author.
I keep my soul in my writings. In my diction, my stories, and my writing style you will find my essence.
I have so many stories to tell and I know all of them are good. You see, it's not the lack of confidence in my writing abilities that scare me. I am terrified because it is time to bare my soul. I am scared for my soul. I want her to be safe. But I know that I cannot keep preventing her from telling her stories under the pretense of safeguarding her. She doesn't need my protection any longer.
In the days and months to come, I will share my journey with overcoming the mental blocks that I have regarding my writing and authorship and share the projects that I have been working on. Fearfully.