This book has a crazy controversial title, but I promise, it's worth the read! My friend, who I like to call my book-god-mother, always suggests or gives me the right book at the right time, and she gave me this beat-up, well-read copy of Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them after a break-up with a boyfriend who said he loved me but treated me like he hated me. Yeah...so...this relationship means nothing now, but this book is everything and you should definitely read it!
If you have never heard of the term misogynist, then I have one question for you: Have you been living under a rock? I just don't know how someone living in 2023 could not know what a misogynist is, but it's possible, I guess. Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them will explain the mind of the misogynist; the causes and nature of men who claim to love women but who act out an intense hatred for them. The book reveals why a woman might be inclined to remain in a relationship with such a man and offers practical advice and suggestions to elevate or eliminate such a relationship.
In this article, I review Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them by Dr. Susan Forward. Tap play to see my entertaining Book Review. Be sure to also subscribe to be automatically entered to win FREE tea/books/stuff during Tea End Blog Give-Aways. Already subscribed? Tell a friend!
Page Count: 287
Author: Dr. Susan Forward
Published Date: 1986
Publishing Company: Bantom Book
The 4 Components of Misogynistic Relationships
Sometimes it's hard to notice if something is wrong in your relationship if you don't even know what to look for. Because of discrepancies in our own upbringing, it may be difficult to pick up on dysfunctional habits that our spouse might exhibit, or even that we ourselves might display. There are four habits that a misogynistic relationship would not survive without. Here are the four components of a misogynistic relationship according to Dr. Susan Forward:
1. Whirlwind Courtships: When the normal progression of discovery with your new lover is interrupted by a fast and exciting courtship that quickly progresses towards physical intimacy and provides only a pseudo-intimacy mistaken for genuine closeness.
2. Romantic Blinders: When you allow strong romantic emotions and delusions about your partner to hinder you from seeing their flaws and weaknesses and traits that should impact the way you proceed or not proceed in the relationship.
3. Desperation & Fusion: Occurring early-on in a misogynistic relationship; a sense of underlying desperation in both partners and a frantic need to bind the other person to oneself.
4. Rescuing: A repetitive behavior of always helping a man in need because he is usually in need of help and experiencing difficulties. He has an extensive pattern of instability in both his professional and his personal life while blaming others for his failures.
Speak For Your Anger
If you find yourself in a misogynistic relationship and you become aware of all the abuse that you have suffered, you might become angry and rightfully so! I was so angry after I found out that my 10-year marriage was full of misogynistic abuse, especially because I could have sworn up and down that my husband was not misogynistic at all. In chapter 12, Dr. Susan Forward speaks on validating your anger by recognizing and providing answers to the following three statements:
THIS IS WHAT YOU DID TO ME
THIS IS HOW I FELT ABOUT
THIS IS HOW IT AFFECTED MY LIFE
Is Every Man A Misogynist?
Most societies are patriarchal, and men have experienced more rights than women for centuries. Even in the 21st century, women around the world are still fighting for simple rights to their humanity because of men's insatiable need for power. So, do I think every man is innately misogynistic?
No, I do not believe that every man is a misogynist. A misogynist is a man who subconsciously hates women due to specific ill-treatment in childhood from his mother and/or father. He wants to love women but does not know how and therefore, his love is expressed as hate. With therapy, a misogynist can rectify their behavior and learn to treat women appropriately if he remains humble and open to treatment. I do believe, however, that each and every man and woman have the responsibility to self-evaluate to ensure that they do not subscribe to any ideals of chauvinism or misogyny.
A man who has adopted one or two chauvinistic or misogynistic viewpoints is not necessarily a misogynist, but it is very important that this man be open to eradicating all chauvinistic/misogynistic thoughts if he wants a successful friendship or romantic relationship with a woman.
For example, I do not believe that my ex-boyfriend is a full-blown misogynist, but I do believe that his past experiences have affected the way he views women and how he treats them. He didn't know that I noticed, but I would remark how he would passively insult me and watch me closely to see if I was adversely affected. He also blamed me for things that weren't my fault at all and seemed to enjoy contention and arguments. I do think that he, like a lot of men, contend with misogynistic or chauvinistic viewpoints and they all should really stop winging it and just book a session or two with a therapist.
Any self-help book that can get me closer to having a successful romantic relationship is a win for me! I enjoyed this read and I hope that you enjoy it too. If you read it, be sure to let me know what you think!
Define a misogynist in your own words: